steps

I don't know what God is up to, but i'm not worried about it.

Last night we called Colombia again, and were informed that Aldrin had left. My first instinct, of course, was to be really upset. Not only was i concerned for the children in his absense, but we had just begun to hatch a real plan to bring Aldrin here to raise funds for El Camino, which now seemed to be thwarted. If only he'd hung in there just a little while longer, I thought. If only we could have told him...

But that worry lasted about thirty seconds. Because in my heart i know this is not the end. I know that our plan was designed by God. He fashioned it a long time ago, and all we're doing is carrying it out. I don't care what obstacles get in the way, or what faith is lost by man, or how hopeless the situation seems.

Proverbs 16:9 says, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." There is a lot of disheartenment going on around El Camino, and i don't just mean among our Colombian brothers and sisters. There is a sense of urgency, a lack of trust in the provision that God has promised. I think we can all relate to this feeling, having experienced it so many times in our own lives. We think to ourselves, "This isn't right. This isn't the way i wanted things to turn out at all. I had this vision, this goal, this dream, and where did it all go?" And we get so frustrated, so tired of waiting for the things that were promised to us that we just give up. We feel foolish for believing.

There's always a plan. Anyone who tells you they've never planned on anything is lying. They might not plan their lives day-to-day, but they're always thinking about the future. They're working towards something, they have hope for something. If they didn't, they wouldn't bother living. And plans don't have to be drawn out to exist; they don't have to be detailed or even entertained. You could be walking through the park one day and watch a dog tackle a little boy, sending him into fits of contagious giggles...and for half a second, a picture can flash through your mind of you with a dog and a child in that park and a pair of housekeys jammed into your pocket where your wallet is stashed, and that's a plan. You've imagined yourself in another time, another life, another setting, with more to fill your heart to the brim than you can presently claim.

It hasn't happened yet. It's just a plan.

Plans take steps.

Steps take time.

Time takes patience.

Patience takes faith.

We can plan all we want, but if we don't allow God to direct our steps, we're going to get lost. Days will go by, weeks, sometimes years...and we'll keep turning over the same rocks and discovering all the same trees, and eventually we're going to give up. We'll lose patience. We'll lose faith.

Children never lose faith. Even though funds are lacking, and even though staff are leaving, the children at El Camino remain happy. Talking to them over the phone, one would think they were completely oblivious to the status of things, but we know they are not. They simply don't worry about anything. Gabriela, too, maintains that she is happy and trusts that God will take care of them. And he does. Which is why i pray for El Camino and all who reside there and/or work there, but i don't worry. Because i know that he is looking out for them. He's not ignoring them, he's directing steps.

Delay does not mean denial. My pastor said that on Sunday, and it's stuck with me ever since. Tomorrow i meet with him to discuss the possibility of moving to Colombia for any length of time.

I'm not worried.